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Mark Warde

Away from Home Alone

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It was quite the hit in 1990, a family who was bound to fly to Europe for Christmas, realized in the hectic moments of their morning departure, they had left 8-year-old Kevin McCallister asleep in the attic. He was sent up there as punishment for his bratty behavior the night before.

Portrayed by actor Macaulay Culkin, he awoke to an empty house, his family enroute to Paris. The remainder of the Home Alone movie was filled with hijinks and humor. Immensely popular, the $18 million dollar budget reaped $477 million at the box office.

Modern policing is a problem

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What is expected of police in the United States varies greatly, much of it according to location. Urban areas are completely different from suburbia, and then there are small towns and even rural communities.

The answers are not easy and like the men and women who wear the badge, are sometimes flawed. One answer is to do away with the vocation altogether or to defund it to the degree they cannot meet the needs of residents. Decisions are then made to disregard many laws and allow common police responsibilities to be disregarded.

Oh, to have handlers

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Evidently, it pays to have handlers.

The case for it relates to a story about a man who died and went to heaven. Once inside the gates there were two separate lines for men who were married. Above the first group was a sign that read: Henpecked Hus bands. Those waiting in it were growing impatient for it was an incredibly long line.

The second line also had a sign above: Non-Henpecked Husbands. Its line was very short, in fact, there was only one man waiting there.

The phone rang that horrible day

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Working nights meant I was in slumberville when my Motorola flip phone began ringing at 8:45 in the morning. No one calls me that early. I’ve always told my friends that if God wanted me to see the sunrise, he would’ve made it happen about noon.

Falling for a fable

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Nowadays it has become an illfated belief that the greatest nation on the planet is, instead, a land built on everything one calls evil. It is a shame that a Marxist movement geared on destroying this country by selling myths and rewriting history to cause people to resent the things that made the United States strong and self-sufficient.

Graveyard of Empires

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A history of being notoriously difficult to govern, empires and nations have failed to pacify Afghanistan. Historians call it the Graveyard of Empires. Apparently.

The exodus from Afghanistan has turned America into a laughing stock around the world, all the while continuing to blame ‘45’ for what is happening on 46’s watch. Last Sunday he defended his decisions saying he had no regrets and did what had to be done. He flatly stated he made a judgment that no one else could make. Or no one would’ve made.

George is Strait cool

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When it comes to being cool and having your act together, here’s what years have taught me. The Fonz has nothing on George Strait. Heck, this troubadour is the King of Cool.

Sorry, Snoopy. Your sweatshirt may say you’re Joe Cool, but you’re leaning on a dog house and you’re not wearing pants. Anybody is hip when compared to Charlie Brown.

Momma drove a lunch truck

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Like a mailman with a PhD, there are odd fits in the job market. When the economy tanked in 2009 and 2010, I was working a night job in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Driving through at Wendy’s, I made conversation with a laid-off doctor working the window. He said he was doing what he could for his family. Evidently.

Disinclined to acquiesce

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One of my favorite, all-time cartoons has a young mother pleading with her child to sit down in a high chair so she can serve him food. He finally concedes, reluctantly, and while pouting and exhibiting a firm bottom lip, a thought-bubble above says, “I may be sitting down on the outside but on the inside, I’m standing up!”

Welcoming Top Cop

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It is a new day in Ennis that was ushered in at Tuesday’s official start of the city’s Chief of Police, Dustin Munn. After a year-long process, City Manager Marty Nelson has arrived at this place for hiring the next Top Cop.